This is to us, the lost.

Who keep being abandoned, no matter how hard we try to be kind, till we’re assured there’s something wrong with us. To us who try their best to be there for everyone but whose presence is not being appreciated enough. To us who walk back to the room biting their lips with their eyes straining to cup their tears from falling because that is SO weak. To us who feel worthless every time their small achievements are being overshadowed by people’s major ones. This is to us, whose habit is crying in the midnight darkness because the demons of our thoughts are stronger. To us who wish people can help but really, we know no one can do so but ourselves. Who God knows are working their asses off to improve their imperfections in covert only to be seen as mediocre. To us who know we have skills to offer that some people are incapable of doing but how unfortunate, those skills are not what the naked eyes desire. Who feel nothing but hatred to themselves with every step they take because loving themselves are the worse battle. To us who nobody thinks we have breakdowns because we deceive them with smiles and it works. Who can’t seem to find a way to get rid of their insecurities which are piling up day by day. To us whose ears are tired from listening to “You don’t have to fit in. Different is good. Just be you” shit.  Who once had a taste of self-love but later fell into the trap of peer pressure. To us who refuse to talk about ‘it’ because we believe oppression and abuse are more serious to be addressed. To us who stop in the middle of empty road because they feel their sense of identity is almost being detached from their body. To us who have looked into a person’s eyes, dying to let them know but your mouth can’t seem to follow. Who wish absorbing positivity and living with confidence are like eating whatever you like. And this is to us, who are eventually convinced that “oh I am INDEED a mediocre”.

I know you. I’m one of you too. I’m not writing this to give advice because I don’t have one. More like, I don’t deserve to give advice when my own state is as worse.

But I just hope and pray, that we will make it. That there’ll be one day where we will unchain ourselves from this and be free. When we will feel everything good but hatred to our own self.  When we can truly be happy with who we are and not be measured by other people’s pleasure. And I hope when that day arrives, we’ll never have to hold onto the compass again.

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