I used to think that I had only one best friend whom we always labelled each other as BFFs. The only friend that will grow up with me, that will never ever leave me till we die (dramatic, I know). We were literally inseparable and we went almost everywhere together like mac and cheese. Everyone knew we were best friends and seeing one of us without another was considered as bizarre. We promised to do things together, bought matching clothes, sang Barbie songs, called each other at 2 in the morning to study for exams and even went to the same tuitions. And once, I thought BFF means TOGETHERNESS.
That was high school.
Things began to change when she left for National Service (PLKN) for about 3 months. At first, she had hard time to settle in with the unfamiliar environment and unknown faces. We kept in touch frequently because she needed me to comfort her and I was quite worried whether she would be fine for the next few months. Time after time, she blended well with new acquaintances which she described to me about each and one of them till I felt like I was there. I was happy for her because she started to feel at ease. Once she came back, we still hung out for several times but now she has a group whatsapp with her new buddies. Being close since 12, we shared everything together but now, I didn’t know most of their conversations. All her friends knew me but this time, they barely did. I know this is idiotic but I think I felt a little bit jealous there (accepting the fact that I WAS a kid and very very immature).
And then, we went our separate ways for universities. Everything changed drastically from that moment. We rarely called or texted. There were months when we didn’t contact each other at all. I convinced myself that perhaps she was busy with her studies because I was too. Plus, there were no things to talk about. We took two distinct courses, Accounting for her and English for me in two different places. Figures and languages don’t really have much common. And I know there were things that she didn’t tell me because I didn’t too. I began to involve in many events where I got to know new people and gradually, I felt that it was okay with not contacting her and vice versa. Because I started to understand her new life through mine. Sometimes, I posted photos of my classmates and friends on Facebook and Instagram and she did too. Then it hit me. I started to realize that all I cared was her happiness. If she’s happy with where she is now, I’m happy for her. That’s all that matters.
What this phase taught me was that every friendship are special in their very own ways. It’s definitely unfair to compare amongst them giving the sense that they all were built in different situations and time with different people. New friends might understand you better because they face similar situations besides being present or available for you at that particular moment but that doesn’t mean you erase your old friends from your list. There’s no competition here in who spends the most time with you or who shares more stories with you. In high school, yes but you and I both know we won’t be 15 forever. We all are starting to have priorities in life which are incomparable.
The point is, intimacy is not the main focus in a friendship. I don’t mean that it’s unimportant. It is. But I think it’s the intention that wins it all. Do you make friends just because they have the same interests as you do? Or do you think that BFF is supposed to be doing things together all the time? Or is it because you want them to stick with you like a chewing gum wherever you go?
It doesn’t work that way.
We make friends ultimately of course because of Him and also, because we want to hold their hands and them to hold ours towards Jannah (Paradise). That pure intention leads to us wanting them to be happy regardless of what they do , where they are or who they’re with. Best friends don’t always mean that you HAVE to call or text them every single day in order to be close. Sometimes, just by understanding their lives through the binoculars of your life, THAT keeps the bond going.
We both have our own choices and goals which make our lives opposite from one another. Constantly, we’re travelling in parallel lines with different journeys but roads aren’t always straight. Someday, somewhere, we’ll have to stop at the junctions to cross again and again.
To my juniors or anyone who is younger than me, I’m not frightening you but this is a reality. Sooner or later, you might have to face this no matter how much you want to take care of that special friendship. By then, it’s in my hope that you’ll learn the art of understanding.
And to my one and only BFF since 11, this is not mocking you. I just happen to figure things out in my way. And I want to tell you that I’m so proud of who you are today and what have you done for yourself so far. We may not be as close as before and aren’t texting every 5 minutes but I know our friendship isn’t merely measured by texts. So when I need that special someone to listen to me without any weird judgements and to feel what I feel, there’s only one person deserves that BFF title. You know who you are if you’re reading this. 🙂
I love you to infinity and beyond.
And thank you for riding this ship with me.
“A strong friendship doesn’t need daily conversation or being together, as long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends will never part. “
– Unknown –