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Through the oceans of people from different backgrounds with distinct personalities, there she was right there, sitting at the most side of the cafe bridge on a two-seat table, lost in her own thoughts and world. It’s her favorite spot of all seats. She always went there after class and during the break in between classes. And she usually prepared a book or any reading material (which she never missed to bring anywhere she went) on the table just in case someone said hi to her and noticed her weird act, so she could easily replied that she was studying if they asked. She loved the view from there, there wasn’t any sunsets or picturesque sceneries but what’s fun was that she could observe the  colours of charms of people, from students, lecturers and even the cafe staffs. Something about their spontaneous behaviors intrigued her.

Being alone and having to spend time all by herself are blessings to her. Alone here doesn’t mean that she has no friends completely. In fact, she has crazy classmates, caring roommates and a few close friends who she can pour her heart out to when she encounters life problems. It sounds just like any normal teenage girl’s college life but her choices differ her from the rest. She prefers to be individualistic in the sense of being free from loud laughs and unnecessary gossips. As soon as class ends, she would promptly walked back to her dorm or the cafe bridge without any companions because she’s comfortable that way. She always has this self-talk going on in her mind and this pair of sharp observing binocular eyes that zoom in even the littlest things. Frankly speaking, she loves it how no one knows what her thoughts are and no one judges her for that. It’s a guilty pleasure.

Till one silent night, when she was excitedly chatting with her confidante and as the conversation went deeper, the tears gathered at the corner of her eyes flowed a river. Awkwardly, during theatre practice.  Just when she tricked her mind into thinking that she’s doing fine, it’s all self-denial. Even she couldn’t believe her condition had became that worst. So did her friend. It’s always been a challenge for her to open up to someone and let them in but this time, she did it easily, knowing that her dark secrets were safe in the hands of this lady who was right in front of her. What do you feel when you pop a serious and important question on your class’ s whatsapp group but no one responds to it? Don’t you feel anything when you go back to your dorm alone while your friends are laughing joyfully in groups? Do you feel invisible when no one saves you a seat if you ever come late for class? And when no one calls or texts you when you accidentally looked at the wrong timetable? It’s a miracle that she didn’t fall into the pitch black hole of depression. 

Since that turning point night, they’ve always ALWAYS exchanged stories, be it the pasts or what food they had for lunch. This inseparable attachment had never crossed their minds since they’ve been friends at 10 or 11? For this special friendship too, she thanked God for creating that friend’s presence in one of her living chapters and she could not be more contented to have her in it. I guess it’s true when they say , “You only need two close friends in which you can trust and dedicate yourself to”, because too many friends don’t have benefits if they don’t care about you. Sometimes, it makes her laugh thinking that she’s closer and could just clicked like a magnet with the people who she just met during an occasion than the ones who she faces and interact with every single day. You know, the number of friends that you have now, doesn’t matter if it is thousands or probably millions, not all of them will stand by you at times when you most need them. Don’t be so confident with your figures. When quality is absent, quantity means nothing.

At the end of the day, she realized that’s just how she is. A wallflower. She’s meant to be reserved. She’s good at keeping everything to herself and enjoy her own time. She chooses to remain low profile even if others ask her to hang out with them or join them in social events. She likes to keep silent and let her mind does all the thinking and talking. As long as she is accepted into the social circle she loves and happy to be with, everything else doesn’t exist. 

“You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand.

You’re a wallflower.”

– The Perks of Being A Wallflower.

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