It’s one thing that we all desire for. Not just teenagers, but also adults. We’re living in a world where we are bound to rules and restrictions, be it family rules, school rules, organizations’ rules, country’s rules etc. Even when we’re having our meals, there are ethics that we need to follow. You can’t simply eat with your hands at a formal event or you might be kicked out from the hall! No matter how hard we try to escape from it, we just can’t because it actually has abundance of perks like controlling human behaviour to maintain peace. BUT, as a teenager myself, I love freedom and I dislike being confined. If there is one thing that I hate the most, it’s confinement. Still, that doesn’t mean that I’m a wild person who always break the rules and rebel.
Lately, I just noticed that I’m surrounded with friends that have strict and protective (overprotective, I guess?) parents. Just recently, my friend poured her heart out to me because her parents were being too strict to the extend she cried and felt jealous towards her other friends that own such freedom that she’s not having. Alhamdulillah, I’m blessed with a mom that never fail to understand me. She always be on my side and completely support my decisions. If she has doubts on my choices, then we will have a heart to heart conversation instead of straight away saying NO. Till this very day, I’ve no idea how she educates her children so perfectly in the sense of her children can still behave nicely even though she didn’t impose any strict rules. Sometimes, I realized that Allah puts me in a condition where I have friends with strict parents so that I can appreciate my mom more because she’s giving me the kind of freedom that I want and that other people are thirsty for.
I’m fully aware that I’m not a parent YET so I don’t have a parent’s nature to feel the need to protect their children and observe their whereabouts. What I do know is that parenting is a two-way process, which means both parents and children are involved. When parents advice their children, their children must listen carefully to them and when they advice their parents, the parents must listen as well, which probably is the main problem that most families are facing now. WHY? Because one of the parties don’t listen to each other. Throughout my years of living, books I’ve read, talks I’ve attended, I found that (am pretty sure that you’ve heard this million times) COMMUNICATION is the key to everything in every phase of our lives. Doesn’t matter if you’re blind or deaf, you still communicate through Brailles and hand signals. The highlight is not about how you communicate, it’s how you receive the message from the communication process. You can try vast ways to communicate with people but if you don’t know how to receive it and how to accept it, then it’s no use of communicating.
For example, a child tells her parents that she wants to pursue Tourism & Hotel Management with the stands that she likes to travel, she likes to learn about different cultures or maybe managing a hotel. Unfortunately, the parents pressured her with the excuses that tourism field doesn’t offer much job opportunities and doesn’t provide the child with a high income thus risking her future, without a proper explanation for the child to believe why she should not go for her choice. Instead of convincing the child slowly, they just list out the disadvantages of her choice. The exact way to do it is by comparing the pros and cons of a decision and analyse every single details. Plus, both parties need to hear opinions from each other and perhaps, ask from an experienced source. Often children think that what their parents tell them is a concrete evidence of their wrong choices. Merely just because they believe that their parents had gone through the so-called waves of life, indicating that they know better. Which is totally false. In fact, there are other non-exhaustive factors that affect a decision making.
Another thing that plays a vital role in establishing a strong bond between a child and parents is TRUST. Parents need to instill more trust in their child. If they don’t trust their child, how can the child trust himself or herself? I know that parents are quite skeptical when it comes to their child’s social life and as a result, they believe that by controlling their child’s life, they will be able to mould a well-behaved person.
Yes. So, by being strict is not an ideal way of parenting.
Whatever it is, when parents trust their children, they will not involve themselves in social ills because they will eventually feel obliged to not do bad things because they don’t want to betray their parents’ trust. It’s way better than confining them right?
Never EVER control a child’s life. A child’s curiosity for knowledge, either in text books or a spontaneous gain, has to be filled. Let them spread their wings, explore new thing and meet new individuals under your moderate observation. After all, we just want to feel that we ‘re doing the right thing.
If my mom succeedingly educates her children without any force required, you can too. Besides, no one likes to be controlled. Or do you?